


The Harry Potter Loop

by goodnessanake



Series: And We're Doing This Shit Again [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Crack, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Multi, just crack, seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 13:51:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11830053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodnessanake/pseuds/goodnessanake
Summary: The time looping Paladins find themselves in a Harry Potter dimension, chaos ensuesA compilation of all the dabbles set in the Harry Potter universe I wrote in my time loop/alternate realities Voltron fic, you don't need to read the whole thing to understand it





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> literally just a compilation of all the HP dabbles featured in my time loop fic

Loop 934 (1)

When Pidge woke up she found herself in a train carriage compartment with an amazing view of the mountains zipping by.

The compartment was empty apart from her so she quickly took stock of what was around her before her loop memories set in.

So she is young, maybe about fourteen or fifteen. Cool, she could work with that. She peeked into her shirt, female this time then. Currently, she had a plain green shirt with well-worn jeans and sneakers, nice. And she had a weird wand in her back pocket. Was she some weird Harry Potter fanatic in the loop or something? Not that she was not a fan, she was but she was waaaay above custom ordering her own wand eheheheh. Probably.

She has a trunk in the overhead storage so she's probably going somewhere for a few weeks at least and the compartment itself was pretty luxurious with plush cushions so she probably had money or someone sponsored her?

As she was attempting to climb up to search through her luggage, a girl with bushy hair exploding from her head popped her head into the compartment.

“Oh sorry I didn't know this was taken!” she quickly apologised before closing the door and running off.

“Holy shit is that who I think it is,” Pidge gasped and leapt across the compartment to slam open the door, just in time to see the girl’s quickly disappearing back, her black robes fluttering behind her.

“Holy shit that was Hermione Granger.”  That was about the point that her loop memories kicked in.

“Holy shit sticks on a Galra litter box,” she breathed, looking down at the wand in her hand and then breaking into a face-splitting grin. “Oh fuck YEAH!”

* * *

 

Loop 934 HP (2)

Pidge could not hold in her excitement, she just had to find the others immediately. She quickly changed into her robes, slinging her green tie around her neck instead of tying it properly. She raced down the carriage with her robes billowing behind her. She could not believe that this was her reality now. Oh god, oh fuck, this was her entire dream come true; well apart from meeting aliens and messing with alien tech, been there done that.

She combed through the compartments like a hurricane, slamming the doors open and shut so quickly the inhabitants could barely find the time to react. She knew from her loop memories that Hunk, Lance and Keith was in the fifth year while she was in her fourth so they should be here around somewhere.

She slid open the door to see someone making out and then promptly slammed it shut. Nope, not going there. Wait.

She opened the compartment door again. "Seriously Lance?" she groaned, "We're in Hogwarts Express and all you wanna do is make out with Hunk?!"

They pulled apart, Hunk at least had the decency to look sheepish while Lance was his usual smug self.

"Look if you want a turn I'm not stopping you," he said, "But you have to admit, Hunk is a good kisser."

"That is true," another voice added.

Pidge had not even noticed Keith sitting opposite them. He had a book in hand and was sitting on the window seat with one leg taking the rest of the space.

"Urgh Fine! If you guys aren't even remotely excited I'm going elsewhere," she grouched and closed the door with unnecessary force. Just as she was about to stomp away Keith came out.

"Hey, Pidge you need any help bringing your stuff over?" he asked.

“Yeah,” she sighs, “Thanks, Keith.”

“No prob,” he replies as they walk down to Pidge’s original compartment.

“Hey, you’re in Gryffindor right?” she asked.

“Yeap. Lance is in Ravenclaw and Hunk is in Hufflepuff.”

“How the heck did Lance get sorted into Ravenclaw? Gryffindor seems a little more Lance really. Intelligence and wit don't really sound like him,” Pidge said.

“Well he is creative at times, he can be quick on his feet and surprisingly strategic,” Keith pointed out.

“That’s true,” she said thoughtfully.

“It’s that or the universe really really wanted us to be colour coordinated,” Keith said as he looked into the camera like he’s on the office.

“True.” Pidge agreed but slapped him in the arm (“OW!”) “Also, stop leaning on the wall.”


	2. Chapter 2

Loop 934 HP (3)

“Hey, has anyone seen Shiro around?” Pidge asked as they boarded the Thestral drawn carriages. She was completely oblivious to the disgusted looks the other Slytherin students were throwing her way.

“Nope, this world’s Lance doesn't even know him,” Lance said as he gave the Thestral one last pet before bounding onto the carriage.

“Same here,” Hunk said while Keith silently nodded.

This worried them a bit because they would sometimes go loops without ever meeting each other at all. At least when you loop early you get to be there when they Wake Up but to never meet them at all, it was terrifying.

“Maybe he lives in Hogsmeade,” Hunk said hopefully.

“Yeah maybe,” Pidge said with an almost defeated sigh.

\-----

Pidge noticed that the students at the Gryffindor table gave a wide berth to the four of them as they sat there, her three friends seemed wholly unaffected by it.

“Are you sure I should sit with you guys?” she hissed at Lance, who was casually scarfing down food like he was a starving man.

“What? It's not like it's against the rules or anything,” he said, food bits splattering everywhere.

Pidge pushed his face away with disgust. “One, don't talk with your mouth full. And two, technically there aren't any rules stopping us but...”

“Shush, Dumbledore is announcing the new staff members,” Hunk said.

“We have had two changes in staffing this year. We are very pleased to welcome back Professor Grubbly-Plank, who will be taking Care of Magical Creatures lessons; we are also delighted to introduce Professor Shirogane and Professor Umbridge, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers,” announced Dumbledore.

The applause from the students was unenthusiastic and bored but sudden loud screaming turned their eyes towards the four anomalies sitting at the Gryffindor table.

“YEEEEEEES HOLY SHIT YESSSS SHIRO’S HERE!!!”

“HEEEY SHIRO LOOKIN’ GOOD MAN!”

“WHOOOOOOO SHIIIIRO!”

Shiro hid his smile behind his hand. It was good to see them again. They saw him at the teacher’s table the moment they entered the hall, of course, they just used the announcement to unnecessarily make noise and announce their presence to him.

“Moving on,” Dumbledore said as if he had not heard anything, “Tryouts for the House Quidditch teams will take place on the -”

And then Umbridge rudely interrupts him. Pidge felt the unholy urge to strangle the woman, kill her and then piss on her grave. She took deep breaths and loosened her grip on her fork and spoon.

It was too early to kill her, she told herself, we need to do it in the most painful way possible.

“So what’s the game plan this time then?” Hunk inquired over Umbridge’s shrill speech.

“I’m thinking killing Umbridge at the soonest possible opportunity,” Pidge said.

“So we’re not going to do anything about the Horcruxes?” Lance asked.

“Wait, how much meddling are we intending to do in this universe?” Keith asked as he sipped his pumpkin juice and grimacing at the taste.

“So do we wanna spare old HP the deaths of people he loves and cares about and a lifetime of PTSD or do we just let things run their course?” Pidge said.

They looked at each other for a moment.

“Meddling it is then,” Hunk said with a nod.

“Let us move forward, then, into a new era of openness, effectiveness, and accountability, intent on preserving what ought to be preserved, perfecting what needs to be perfected, and pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited,” Umbridge finished her speech that frankly, no one was paying attention to because if they were, their brains would have rotted out of their heads and dripped out do their ears.

“  _GO SUCK A DICK YOU EVIL CUNT!_ ” Pidge screamed in Altean.

The Altean language, Pidge has learned, is very effective to curse in because it was so musical and lyrical sounding, everything in it sounded nice. Speaking Galra on the other hand, made even saying ‘pass the salt’ sounded like you were asking someone to have sexual intercourse with a knife, repeatedly.

“Thank you,” Umbridge beamed.

_“Not what I meant you evil Voldemort dick sucking bitch!”_

Umbridge beamed and sat back down, looking insanely smug. Which made Pidge want to punch her in the face all the more.

Later on, after the students were ushered to their respective common rooms, the teachers headed off to their own rooms for the night.

“  _Hem hem._ ” Shiro was almost at his door when a gratingly familiar voice came from behind him.

“Oh Professor Umbridge, what a surprise,” Shiro said politely.

“Professor Shirogane,” she greeted primly, “I have come to discuss the particulars of the Defence Against the Dark Arts syllabus with you.”

“Of course,” Shiro nodded. 

A pause. 

“Are you not going to invite me in?” she asked haughtily.

“I prefer to stand, thank you, and I cannot allow you in yet as I haven't had the time to clean up yet,” Shiro said, which was true.

His room was bare bones with a four poster bed and a table with chairs. A trunk and a few bags of luggage were placed at the foot of the bed while a number of boxes were placed at the sides.

“Oh, why not?” Umbridge asked out of politeness.

“Yes well, I haven't been able to because I received the position in such short notice. Apparently, Professor Dumbledore received my application letter a little late,” Shiro said mildly, “something had happened to the owl carrying it along the way apparently.”

“Oh, how fortunate that Professor Dumbledore got back to you quickly then,” she said with a strange sickly sweet tone.

“Of course,” he nodded politely, “So in any case, what about the syllabus that you'd like to discuss with me?”

“Yes, here is my lesson plan for the week.” Umbridge pulled out a thin stack of paper from her putrid pink robes and placed them in Shiro’s outstretched hand. “I am sure that you will find it most helpful in making adjustments to your own.”

Shiro forced down his irritation as he flipped through the pages. “Ah yes, I already have my own lesson plan but thank you for the suggestions nevertheless.”

“But is your lesson plan Ministry approved?” she challenged.

“No, but-”

“Then you should know that my lesson plan will be more beneficial to the education of the students then?” she interrupted.

Shiro was silent for a moment, his breathing was unnaturally even.

“I apologise Miss Umbridge but I am suddenly feeling rather faint and would like to retire to my bed now,” he said calmly, “So if you don't mind I will be heading off to bed now.”

“What? No! Not until-” 

“I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough, leave so I may sleep.  _Please_.”

“How dare you speak to me that way I am a Senior Undersecretary at the Ministry of Magic!” she screeched.

Shiro tilted his head in mock confusion, mustering all the acting skill in his body, “I don't see how that was rude Miss Umbridge. I apologise as English is not my first language.” he said as he spoke perfect English.

“Of course Dumbledore would be so incompetent as to hire someone who could barely even speak English,” Umbridge tsked.

“In any case, good night!” Shiro said hurriedly and slipped into his room before she could protest.

Loud banging could be heard from the other side so Shiro simply cast a silencing spell on it. He thanked the heavens that the teacher’s offices and rooms had many privacy spells and charms on it so that no one could simply use  _Alohomora_ on them.

He quickly undressed and dived into his warm inviting bed. Holy Galra litter boxes did talking to that pink frog drain one's energy.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Loop 934 HP (4)

Since Hogwarts now had two Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers, Shiro and Umbridge had to split the cohorts. This of course meant that they both had a lighter workload compared to the other professors but that also means that one half of each year from first to sixth is going to suffer.

Pidge rhythmically thumped her head on the table, hoping that it would kill enough brain cells for her to tolerate Umbridge.

“Kill me now,” she groaned roughly.

Keith, her also very much unfortunate seatmate, patted her shoulder comfortingly.

“It isn't so bad,” he said hopefully, “She’s not as irritating in real life.” The last bit came out sounding like a completely half-assed lie, even to Keith himself.

“You wanna bet?” Pidge growled, “I've had lecturers and teachers like her before in the Default Loop, and trust me, Umbridge is all of those combined times two thousand. Hell, the entire fucking Garrison has nothing on her!”

“I've had really annoying teachers before too, it'll be fine,” Keith said, still sounding completely unconvinced by what he was saying.

“She made us greet her like primary school children!” she hissed,  _“Good Afternoon, Professor Umbridge,”_ she recited in a nasal mocking voice.

“That, and she called Harry Potter himself a fucking liar and gave him detention on the very first day of class,” she added as an afterthought.

The ‘lesson’ was boring as hell. They literally just sat there quietly and read the textbook. There were no lectures, no quiz, not even fucking slides. Umbridge had no idea how to teach. At all. All she did was sit there doing whatever an annoying racist arrogant pink bitch of a toad she was. After Harry exploded at Umbridge and was sent to see McGonagall, everyone was a lot more subdued.

Pidge even doubted that she was even paying the class the slightest bit of attention at all anymore. Pidge did cast  _Muffliato_ to stop Umbridge from hearing their conversation but apart from that, they did not really try to look discreet in their chatting so for the rest of the class they hashed out notes for ‘things to worry about’ for their meeting with Shiro later that night.

\-----

After class Pidge caught up with Harry, she called out to him, “Harry! Hey, if it helps any, I believe you. Voldermort is back and we need to be prepared. Umbridge is an idiot and needs to be taken down.”

“Oh, um wow.” Harry looked stunned, he never actually talked to Pidge before but it was good to know that one more person believed him, even if she was a Slytherin and her friends were bat shit insane. “Thanks,” he said.

“No problem, I know what it’s like to have some people not believe you when you're telling the truth and authority screwing you over,” her face crinkled slightly like she was remembering a bad experience before switching back to cheery so fast Harry felt a whiplash, “Well, I’ll see you around bye,” Pidge waved and ran off.

\-----

Professor Shirogane was an interesting professor. He was ridiculously handsome, as many members of the class quickly noted, he was friendly but firm and he seemed to really look at you like he was really listening when he spoke with you. Sure they had a ghost for a professor, a werewolf, a dark wizard (twice), a half giant and professor Dumbledore but this was the first time they  had a teacher from a different country entirely.

But when the class first entered his classroom they were quiet, unsure of how strict Shirogane was actually going to be.

“Good morning class!” Professor Shirogane greeted his class, fifth year Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, cheerfully, “I am Professor Shirogane and I will be your Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher for the year!”

The class collectively let out a held breath. It seemed like Professor Shirogane was going to be a nice, friendly teacher. A nice change to the stuttering mess that was Quirrell, or y’know, a literal Death Eater.

“Hey, Professor Shiro!” Lance and Hunk shouted from the back of the class.

The other Ravenclaws tried their best to ignore him. Lance had always been less than a conventional Ravenclaw student, he was average at his subjects and he was not particularly brilliant but he was social and friendly, if a little obnoxious. They had no idea what happened to him over the school break but he seemed to have become more obnoxious and loud, and more loose maybe?

The Hufflepuffs, on the other hand, were pretty chill about Hunk suddenly losing his marbles. He was still a cool dude so there was that.

“So today's just going to be you getting to know me better since I'm the new guy here and after that, I'll be going through the subjects we'll be covering this semester. Any questions?”

The students kept their mouths shut. 

“Where did you study magic?” Lance asked, breaking the silence.

“I was homeschooled by my parents until I was fifteen, then they decided to send me to Japan’s wizarding school of magic Mahoutokoro,” Shiro said.

“What kind of magic did you learn?” a Ravenclaw girl asked.

“The concepts of magic are the same as what you have here in Britain but there was more of an emphasis on Shinto mythology. We also did a lot of work with paper talismans.”

“Will we be learning any of that?” a Hufflepuff boy asked.

“Unfortunately, no.” Some students groaned in disappointment.

“This year is your O.W.L. examination so as much as I would like to teach you about my culture’s magic, O.W.L. take priority.” Cue more intense groaning front the students.

“What do you think of professor Umbridge?” Hunk asked.

“I'd.... rather not discuss gossip about my fellow colleagues but understand that I respect her as a professional and as an individual.” he said diplomatically.

\-----

“I hate her,” Shiro said bluntly.

They were in Shiro’s room after having snuck down there from their common rooms. Shiro’s room was now much less bare than the day before. His clothes were packed away into his closet, the cupboards were filled with books and on one wall was a floor to ceiling conspiracy corkboard ready to be used. At the head of the bed was a banner displaying the Voltron V and all five colours.

“Same,” Pidge growled.

“She pulled me over because apparently I was ‘violating school dress code and bringing shame to my family and the Hogwartian name’. I just was wearing sneakers!” Lance complained.,“That and low key because I just shouted across the corridor that I should’ve taken Muggle Studies because it'll be an easy A as a muggleborn and she’s high key racist.”

“And then we both got detention with her when I cut in to defend him,” Hunk added, “Thank God McGonagall stepped in and straight up told her that so long as the shoes we were wearing were comfortable and covered our entire foot the school didn't care what we wore.”

“Okay, okay, we get it, Umbridge is a bitch, we can all talk about how much we hate Umbridge after we discuss our game plan for the loop, kapishe?” Keith said and surveyed the room for any disagreements.

There were none.

“See, this is the reason why Shiro is always asking you to lead Voltron,” Lance said.

“NOT now Lance,” Keith said through gritted teeth with barely restrained exasperation. “Anyway, we have some planning to do.” He moved over to the empty conspiracy cork board and pinned a few pieces of paper on it. “This is the things we need to worry about as of now,” he explained.

First he hung up a map of Britain. Then he put pins on where you could find the seven horcruxes then connected them with red string to the ‘VOLDERMORT’ piece of paper.

Finally, he pinned a partially singed pink paper with Umbridge written on it. No idea what the paper went through though. Pidge probably got her hands on it before Keith could snatch it back.

“Anything else I missed?” he asked, turning back to them with his arms akimbo.

“Yeah, what are we gonna do about the Order of Phoenix?” Lance contributed.

“Oh man! I forgot about that,” Hunk said, “And what about Dumbledore then?”

“We can worry about them later,” Shiro said, “What’s more important now is to find and destroy the Horcruxes. I think at this point Dumbledore hasn't made any moves on them so the ring should still be in the Riddle House. I’ll apparate there this upcoming weekend and get it.”

“We would need to either learn to cast Fiendfyre or go down into the Chamber of Secrets and get a basilisk fang,” Hunk said, “Or get the Sword of Gryffindor from Dumbledore’s office which I highly recommend we not because it's stupid and dumb and if we get caught we’d have to answer SO many questions.”

“....” 

“No.” 

“....” 

“NO.” 

Too late Pidge and Lance was already halfway broken into Dumbledore’s office.

“NOOOOOOOOO.”

The bird that could be seen perched on a tree branch from Shiro’s window looked up from grooming its feathers before promptly going back to it again.

\----- 

Lance and Pidge were on their way out of the office with the sword in hand when they spotted Dumbledore. More they they spotted each other really.

Dumbledore was in a nice pair of socks.

And by socks, I mean a garter belt. 

A nice pair of black garter belts. 

The three of them stood frozen, staring at each other in mortification.

\-----

“And then Dumbledore just let us borrow the sword AND NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED,” Lance said, eyes daring anyone to ask what happened. Behind him was Pidge cracking her knuckles.

“Okaaaaay....” Keith said but accepted the sword from them anyway. “Wonder why he didn't ask why you needed it, though.”

“  _Don't,_ ” Pidge held her finger against his lips, killing intent pouring from her like a waterfall. Keith, unfazed by her murderous aura, just looked fondly exasperated as he silently nodded his head.

\-----

The following Tuesday had the sky clouded over with light grey clouds during lunch as Lance and Hunk sat in the courtyard eating sandwiches.

Other students were also lounging about eating or just chatting with their friends. It was a very typical school scene.

Suddenly Pidge’s voice thundered across the courtyard, “HELLO KEITH MY FRIEND I AM HANGING OUT WITH YOU BECAUSE I AM YOUR FRIEND."

And from the other side of the courtyard was Keith himself. “HELLO PIDGE MY FRIEND I AM SPENDING TIME WITH YOU BECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS AND THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO,” he yelled. (Note: please read Keith’s dialogue in the “it's meeeee keeeiiith I am your paaaalaaaadiiiin” voice)

The two of them were marching towards each other with the determination of opponents ready for a fight, meeting right in the center where Lance and Hunk were eating, giving them the perfect view of the spectacle.

"YES LET US ENGAGE IN A TOTALLY PLATONIC HUG BECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS," Keith said loudly and the two of them proceeded to have an awkward hug.

They managed to gather themselves a substantial crowd while they continued to declare their everlasting friendship to each other. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley themselves popped their heads over the window ledge Lance and Hunk were casually eating under.

“What the bloody hell is going on?” Ron gaped.

Lance glanced up at them and shrugged, “Dunno.” 

“Same.” Hunk nodded, “though I can make an educated guess.”

“And what is that?” Harry asked.

“Well, Keith’s a Gryffindor right?” 

“Yes?” Harry sounded very unclear on where this was going.

“And Pidge over there is a Slytherin,” Hunk gestured to where Keith was now presenting a box of peanut butter chocolates as a ‘token of friendship’.

“Ooooooh!” Ron exclaimed, getting it, “Wait, the two of them want everyone to know they’re friends?!” He sounded almost disgusted. “Why would Keith want to be friends with a Slytherin of all people?”

“Hey, she’s our friend too!” Lance admonished.

“Riiiight,” Harry said, sounding entirely unconvinced.

“See, this is the reason why Keith and Pidge are loudly and obnoxiously declaring their friendship,” Hunk said.

“He does make a good point,” Hermione interjected, popping her head out beside Ron, taking him by surprise and almost causing him to stumble and fall off the ledge.

Ron had a hand clutched to his chest. “Don't scare me like that Hermione!”

“Sure,” she rolled her eyes, “This really goes to show exactly how observant you are. In any case, I think it's sweet that those two are willing to go the extra mile for their friendship.”

“But she's a Slytherin!” Harry said. 

“So?” Hunk challenged defensively, “Pidge is great!” 

“You can't blame us for being cautious, how many Slytherins do you know who are nice?”

“Pidge,” Lance and Hunk chorused automatically.

\-----

“Pidge how do you have a smartphone?” Lance gasped and grabbed Pidge’s hand, staring in wonder at the sleek rectangle of technological wonder, “We're at Hogwarts! And It's 1995!”

“Lance, aliens had has even more advanced technology thousands of years before humanity even discovered FIRE. Hunk and I are engineering and technological geniuses so if they can do it, then so can we,” Pidge said flatly and yanked her arm back, “And about the whole Hogwarts’ magics disrupting technology because magic, I asked Colin Creevey about what he used to get his camera working within school grounds. Easy peasy.”

“...I want one.” 

“Sure, right after Hunk and I finish his and Keith’s.


	4. Chapter 4

Loop 934 HP (5)

In general, of the whole team, Keith and Pidge are the ones that seem to rarely interact. The keyword here being  _seem_. They're conspiracy bros and nobody can take that away from them. They hang out, just not loudly.

Then some assholes (coughslytherinandgryffindorassholescough) said some things and then they said some choice words and then things kind of escalated and now Keith and Pidge are permanently banned from the trophy room. That was pretty much when they decided to do the shouting thing.

After the whole loud obnoxious declaration of friendship, they seemed to aggressively hang out more. They were practically joined at the hip.

“Do you think that maybe they're a little too clingy?” Lavender asked Parvati. They were lounging around in the Gryffindor common room with some of their friends.

“Yeah, just a tad bit. I heard that Keith even followed her into the bathroom.” Said Vicky.

“Ew, that is so gross!” Parvati exclaimed.

“I don't know, I think it's kind of romantic?” Emily piped up.

“You think following a guy into a bathroom is romantic?!” Lavender screamed.

“No no! Not that! I mean, Slytherins and us, we’re like mortal enemies. Don't you think Pidge and Keith being together is so romantic? It's like forbidden love!” Emily explained.

Hermione, who had been sitting by the window next to them, rolled her eyes and snapped her book shut. She couldn't stand to hear them gossip any longer and decided to relocate somewhere less distracting.

“I thought they were just friends.” Vicky said apprehensively.

“But it would explain the lengths they go to stay together.” Parvati said thoughtfully.

“They're never seen without each other anymore! And have you seen the way Keith looks at her? They are so in love.” Emily insisted.

Come to think of it, Lavender had seen Keith sometimes smiling softly at Pidge when she wasn't looking. She pouted, “I wish someone would look at me like that.”

Seamus came down the staircase and had picked up a few snippets of their conversation. “Why are you girls gossiping about this when we have much more important things to worry about?” He asked haughtily.

“Like what?” Parvati challenged.

“Absolutely anything else?”

“Well we're just worried about Keith, this Slytherin girl might be taking advantage of him!" Vicky said. “What's wrong with looking out for a fellow Gryffindor?”

“She's not, they're in love!” Emily insisted.

“Okay, I may not like that Keith is friends with a Slytherin but I knew for sure that they're not dating.” Seamus said with crosses arms.

“And how do you know that for sure?” Emily retorted.

“Because.”

“That's not a very good reason.” Said Parvati.

“She's a  _Slytherin_! What Gryffindor would date her?!” He burst out at last.

“But that's what makes it so romantic!” Emily cried. “Two young lovers forced apart by things that cannot change but try to be together by sheer force of will and the power of their love. How can you not see that?”

“And Keith only seems to smile when he's with her.” Lavender pointed out.

“And Keith gives her piggyback rides and carries her books.” Parvati said.

“You have to admit it is kinda cute.” Vicky conceded.

Seamus rolled his eyes, deciding not to dignify it with a response. Girls.

\-----

Class was over and the Arithmetics students groaned as they left the class, their bags heavier than when they'd come in.

Millicent noticed that Pidge was straggling behind, she saw that she groped around her bag and fished out a strange black rectangle. Pidge looked awfully self-satisfied with the thing.

“What is that?” Millicent asked with an upturned nose. She had promised herself to never speak with Pidge ever again after she'd become a blood traitor and befriended that mudblood Gryffindor but curiosity got the best of her.

“Oh, this? This is a phone”

“A phone?” That name sounded familiar. “Isn't that  _Muggle_  technology?” She said disgustedly. Pidge was more of a blood traitor than she'd thought.

“Yes. Technology.” Pidge said flatly. “Muggle technology.”

“Why would you want to use that when you have magic?” Millicent sneered.

“Can your magic play any song you like anytime you like? Or contact another person immediately wherever, whenever, because if wizards can figure out to take a fireplace with you wherever you go, please tell me because then maybe I’d stop using dirty lowly muggle technology.” Pidge snapped before pressing something on her phone and a strange Muggle song began playing.

_“Never gonna give you up never gonna let you down…”_

Pidge maintained their eye contact as she slowly walked backwards out of the room. Well, not walk exactly, more like skate? She had a wheels attached to the heels of her shoes.

And as she disappeared from sight so did the strange muggle music.

_“Never gonna give, never gonna give…..”_

\-----

Shiro announced that he'd be teaching non compulsory supplementary classes on Saturdays and Sundays for O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. students respectively. He urged struggling students to come drop by and even extended the invitation to the students from Umbridge’s class which Pidge and Keith quickly spread.

When Saturday rolled by, almost all of the students from Umbridge’s class came.

“Wow, this is a surprise.” Shiro said, completely unsurprised. “Well, let's go through the week’s material then, what did Umbridge go through with you?” He picked up a piece of chalk.

“NOTHING.” Pidge shouted.

Shiro sighed heavily, “Okay, we can work with that.” And with a flick of his wand the blackboard expanded to cover the entire wall. Shiro turned around, wand clenched in hand, determination burning in his eyes. “Let's get started then.”

The supplementary class was only supposed to be three hours at most but they ended up staying there for the entire day with an hour for lunch break. The next day with the N.E.W.T students was the same, Umbridge’s class coming en masse and staying until they've caught up on the week’s worth of work.

Generally supplementary classes didn't start until later in the year when exams were much closer but the students were thankful for Shiro’s insightfulness anyway.

\-----

“Professor Shirogane is a much better teacher than  _Umbridge_  that's for sure.” Hermione said, biting out Umbridge’s name like it was poison. “He's actually teaching us something.”

“And not a complete bitch.” Said Ron. “Why doesn't Dumbledore just sack her already? She's useless as a teacher.”

“Yeah.” Mumbled Harry while running a thumb over his injured hand behind his back.

Suddenly Colin Creevey popped up and snapped a picture of Harry’s hand. The flash temporarily blinding them.

“Ow what the fuck Creevey?!” Ron cursed as he rubbed his eyes.

“Language!” Hermione scolded.

“Sorry, but Pidge paid me to take pictures of all the students who's been to detention with Umbridge. I'll be getting two galleons a picture and five if it's of their hands!”

“Pidge paid you? But why?” Ron asked.

“And why their hands? What did Umbridge do to you?” Hermione asked and lunged for Harry who quickly stepped away.

“It's nothing!” He lied.

“It's not nothing if Colin is being PAID to take pictures of it!” Hermione snapped and grabbed his hand, revealing the red words carved onto it.

“Oh my god.” She and Ron gasped.

“Yeah, all of the people on the list Pidge gave me has that, even if the words were different.” Colin said meekly.

“Why would Pidge want pictures of these? For her own sick pleasure?!” Ron screamed.

“No no! She's using them as evidence against Umbridge! So she'll get sacked!” Colin quickly explained.

“Ron I recognise what caused this.” Hermione tugged at his sleeve urgently. “These were made by Black Quills, they write with the user's blood and carve the words in the back of their hands! They're illegal! Why didn't you tell anyone Harry?!”

“It's not like McGonagall can do anything about it anyway.” He said defensively.

“Dumbledore then!” Ron said. “You could have told literally anyone!”

Harry didn't reply.

“I'm just going to go then…” Colin said as he scooted away.

\-----

Obviously, Umbridge was not happy that Shiro was ‘stealing her student’. And by that I mean she’s upset that they’re actually learning how to defend themselves because Fudge is a paranoid bastard.

A fight of sorts erupted in the teacher’s lounge. The fight mostly included Umbridge shouting at Shiro and Shiro pretending he was a much more patient person than he actually was.

“My class is my responsibility, I cannot have you taking them away from me.” She said.

“My supplementary classes was non compulsory, anyone could have walked in or out at any time and I wouldn't stop them. It just so happened that many of your students turned up.”

“Then maybe you should say that these classes are for your students only!”

“Think for a moment, why in the world would students who are going to take a national exam want to take extra classes? They asked to go through the whole week’s worth of work. What does that say about your teaching methods?”

“I- wh- How dare you! I am Madame Undersecretary of the Ministry of Magic how dare you speak to me like that!”

“Miss Umbridge, we are not currently employed by the Ministry of Magic so you do not rank any higher than me in any way. You're not even a senior teacher.” Shiro said flatly.

Umbridge sputtered, “b- but that is no excuse for you to speak to me so rudely!”

“I did no such thing Miss Umbridge.” Verbally anyway, Shiro mentally added. “You can ask any of the teachers here if I had been rude at all.

The rest of the teachers made no move to help her, they were just there to enjoy the spectacle. McGonagall herself was sitting with her legs crossed and sipping tea.

“Now if you’d excuse me, I have some essays to mark.” Shiro made his hasty retreat, not wanting to deal with Umbridge any longer than he has to. He nodded at the other teachers as he passed. He didn't hear the round of applause they gave him as he left.

\-----

In the Muggle town Little Hangleton, unseen by all, a dark figure suddenly appeared out of thin air just a little ways away from the forest. Voltron trash would know him as Takashi Shirogane, Black Paladin and leader of the team, however, in this universe, no one knew of Voltron so Shiro remained an unnamed and unknown man to them.

Shiro surveyed the little decrepit shack before him. It definitely had seen better days. It was completely falling apart and covered in vines. Shiro eyed the skeleton of a snake nailed to the door. What sort of person raised children here? Oh right, Marvolo Gaunt, that's who.

Shiro carefully pushed the door open and low and behold the Horcrux ring was right there on the ground. Just. Lying there. Nothing to it. Shiro stared at the ring  for an extended period of time before saying, "What the fuck."

He continued to stare at it as if waiting for something to happen. He knew that Voldemort just threw it on the ground but this was just ridiculous!

When he returned to his room back at Hogwarts he found Pidge reading on his bed.

Glancing up from her book she asked, "How was it?"

"It was easy.  _Too_ easy. I'm thinking that either Voldemort is really dumb or something is now out to kill me. Probably the latter because getting a Horcrux should not be that easy."

"Nah, the ring has a curse on it." Pidge waved her hand dismissively.

"What curse?" Asked Shiro, sounding a little worried. It has been a few hundred loops since he'd seen the movies and he's never actually gotten around to reading the books.

"You'll die if you put it on." Pidge said nonchalantly

"So what if I  _don't_ put it on?"

"...... Nothing???"

"Alright let's destroy it now." Shiro said, moving to where the Sword of Gryffindor was lying on the table, "I'm getting paranoid.  What if the ring magically ends up on my finger when I sleep?" 

"Shiro, don't be stupid." Pidge said, bookmarking her page with her finger before moving over to watch the ring get destroyed.

"I'm not stupid, I'm dad."

"OHMYGOD FUCK YOU."


	5. Chapter 5

Loop 934 HP(6)

When the Gryffindor fourth years strolled into Professor Shirogane’s class one morning they were greeted by the sight of hundreds of purple pixie-like creatures swarming in an elegant gold birdcage on Shiro’s desk.

They were deep royal purple and upon closer inspection, had fur and bat-like ears. They were quiet, as if waiting for something and their yellow eyes followed after the students as they walked past, deeply unnerving them.

“Morning class!” Shiro greeted them cheerfully.

“Professor, what is that?” Ginny asked.

“I'm glad you asked Miss Weasley, these are a newly discovered species of pixies I found while I was exploring in the mountains this year.” He explained, patting the top of the cage.

“These are what I call Galra Pixies. They fly like wasps and sting like them too. Avoid their claws if you can help it.” He carefully opened the cage and stuck his prosthetic hand it to pulled one out.

“Words can't describe the combination of incredibly annoying and very dangerous these pixies are if they could take over the universe they would.” He cast Immobulus on the squirming thing and it immediately froze up. Apart from the occasional eye twitch, the little pixie looked like a doll.

He handed it to a Ravenclaw boy sitting in the front who looked squeamish and leaned away from the pixie in his hands. “Pass it around class but be careful, like bees, if you harm a Galra too close to it's swarm, it will release a pheromone which will alert the rest of the swarm and they will chase you up to 2 kilometres, destroying everything in sight.” Shiro warned.

“It's worse if you try to hurt the leader of the swarm. I call this swarm’s leader Emperor Zarkon.”

The Ravenclaw boy turned pale and quickly loaded off the pixie to the girl next to him who started to look panicked.

“Now since you aren't taking any national exams I get to dictate the curriculum as I please  _-this is a bad idea because if Dumbledore hires an incompetent or crazy person you all are basically screwed for the year_ -” He muttered the last bit under his breath which the students caught anyway, “You guys get one of the first wizards and witches to learn about and how to handle these purple menaces!”

Ginny and her friend looked at each other and then back at Professor Shiro, then to the little Galra pixie being passed around. “I thought that this was a new species how do you know so much about them already?” Another student asked.

“Experience.” He replied flatly. “How else do you think I lost this arm?”

The Gryffindor boy that currently had the Galra pixie let out a girlish screech and dropped it like it was hot cakes.

Chaos erupted from the class as students scrambled to get as far as they could from the immobilised pixie, plastering themselves against the walls.

“Just kidding! Just kidding!” Shiro laughed as he scooped up the poor pixie. “But seriously, do NOT underestimate these creatures. Now, pair up we’ll be practising the Freezing Charm Immobulus.

 

\-----

Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff.

Long ago, the Potions Master and his students existed in semi-harmony, and then everything changed when the Red Paladin that Looped into the universe attacked. Only the Chosen One- no wait, hmm nope, nothing can help them now.

All they had to do was to make a simple relaxation potion, the Draught of Peace. A common O.W.L. practical assignment. The keith from this universe was fairly average at potions, he easily scoring an Acceptable in potions even if he didn't study. Keith was hoping on relying on these Loop Memories to get by in his studies but no, the one other ability that ever carries over in the loops still applies. And that ability is the ability to burn water.

The potion in the cauldron erupted in flames. Keith yelped and quickly cast Aquamenti, a spout of water sprouted from the tip of his wand (wow that sounds like a euphemism right there) and doused the flames.

“Mr Song what is the meaning of this?” Snape growled. “ Pathetic. Again.” he waved his wand over his cauldron made the sizzling mess disappear.

And he did. Thirteen times. And with each time the explosion got bigger and bigger and bigger. At one point he somehow managed to cause all the potions within a two-metre radius to simultaneously explode. And with each progressive explosion Snape’s expression got darker and darker.

On the fourteenth try, Snape stood right in front of Keith practically breathing over his neck as he worked on the potion. So obviously when he was bent over it exploded in his face.

Harry and Ron suppressed sniggers at Snape’s soot covered face. Snape shook with barely repressed anger. “Hundred points from Gryffindor and fifty a piece for Mr Potter and Mr Weasley.” He barked. “I have never in all my years seen a student so irrevocably terrible at potions that a brain dead first year could make one better than you, I believe even Mr Longbottom hasn't failed as miserably compared to you!”

The potion, if you could call it that, in the cauldron between them let out a puff of flames, singeing the tips of Snape’s hair.

Snape’s face turned beet red from repressing the unholy urge to kill another student apart from Potter. “Get out.” He hissed.

Keith didn't need to be told twice.

And that was how he was banned from ever taking potions ever again! Snape even sent a letter excusing him from the national exams, there’s a fancy stamp and parchment and everything! The first ever documented case of a wizarding student being unable to take a subject due to a ‘disability’. At least that’s one less exam to worry about? 

 

\-----

Shirogane looked uncharacteristically flustered during lunch Delores smugly noted. He was scurrying about like an ant, talking to any teacher who had a spare moment. Of course, Delores wouldn't turn another fellow teacher away, unless he didn't beg for her forgiveness and acknowledge her superiority first of course.

But Shirogane never came to her. He talked to every professor in the Great Hall except for herself, he even declined lunch. Well, whatever he lost, it wasn't her business and she couldn't care less about it.

When she returned to her office in a completely sour mood, once again Potter was spreading lies and she was stuck dealing with childish, spoiled children. She smacked away the purple pixie that managed to get into her office and sat heavily in her chair, taking comfort in the numerous cat photos on her wall.

And suddenly, thousands of purple pixies swarmed into her office. Some broken glass on her window, some squeezed under the gaps of the door and some out right broke through the door.

She screamed bloody murder as they bit and scratched at her, hooking into her flesh with their sharp needle-like claws.

\-----

“Have you seen my Emperor Galra Pixie?” Shiro asked frantically. “It’s about this big, looks like a pixie but can fly and is much furrier than the rest.”

“Shiro, you don't have to pretend. You and I both know that you know that I know that you know where Zarkon is.” Pidge deadpanned.

“I have no idea what you're talking about Miss Holt. The Galra Pixies are very dangerous and this isn't the time to be joking around.” Shiro said, the picture of innocence and responsibility.

“Uh huh, right and we’re not in a time loop that flings us into alternate realities and hilarious hijinks ensue!”

They jerked up as a sharp shrill scream pierced the air.

“Aaaaaand there they go.” Pidge said with a growing smirk. “You better go handle that.”


	6. Chapter 6

Loop 934 HP(7) 

On the first Sunday night of the school year Keith walked back and forth on the seventh floor corridor repeating that mantra ‘I need to find a room where things are hidden’ over and over in his head. And then, like magic, an iron door appeared before him. 

He grinned but it quickly faded as he opened to door to reveal thousands upon thousands of piles of random objects and knick knacks. His eyes quickly scanned the area, completely at a loss of where to begin first.

The plucked a magazine out of a random pile, the cover showed a realistic drawing of a lady in a fancy headdress stretched out on a sofa. “Ew, dirty mags from the 1930s,” Keith said as he tucked it into his robes.

He picked up random items, not entirely sure of where to really start looking and ended up randomly wading through the junk, picking up things he liked or thought might be useful along the way.

It was hours before he eventually gave up and took a leaf out of Crabbe’s book and cast Fiendfyre, burning the entire place down.

He didn't really get what was so hard in controlling the cursed flames, it came to him rather naturally. When the team decided that they needed to destroy the Horcruxes Pidge insisted that they all learned Fiendfyre just in case. 

On  last Friday after class, Shiro apparated them to a remote desert to practice. There was nothing but sand and cragged rocks as far as the eye could see. It was a total disaster.

No one could control the flames. They struggled and tried but the flames would always come back and try to burn them. The only one that had some degree of control was Shiro and that was just barely. Keith, on the other hand, had command over the flames as easily as he breathed. 

The fire morphed into lions and wolves and bears, constantly changing shapes into a more fearsome and deadly creature. Keith observed them from the door as they wreaked havoc on the Room of Hidden Things before simply leaving.

He'd have to come back later to check on the Ashwinders, ash serpents that emerged from the flames of magical fires, but that was a concern for later.

He arrived at Shiro's room smelling of soot and smoke. “The diadem’s been handled.” He announced.

“Good. Now all that's left is the cup, the necklace, Harry and Nagini.” Pidge said as he crossed out the diadem on the conspiracy board.

“So which is the easiest to get now?” Hunk asked. “They all seem pretty hard to me.”

“Harry and Nagini are out so that just leaves the cup and the necklace.” Pidge said.

“The cup is in the Lestrange vault and you know how hard that is to break into.” Shiro's sighed. “And I really don't want to deal with a dragon of all things.”

“And we don't really even know if it's there.” Hunk said, “I mean, did Voldemort give it to her during the first Wizarding war or like, in the seventh book when Harry and gang were on the run?”

That was true, the books were very vague about the when's and where's of the Horcruxes in the timeline.

“The locket it is then.” Lance clapped his hands together. “But it's in Grimmauld place how are we going to get in there?”

Keith took a seat next to Shiro who was leaning on the desk. “Ask Dumbledore?” He suggested. 

Pidge tapped her lip. “We could. But where’s the fun in that?” She grinned wickedly. 

Shiro nodded as his lips stretched into a mirror of Pidge’s. “Well guys, it looks like we have to join the Order of the Phoenix.”

\-----

The next Tuesday morning, the Daily Prophet reported that the the Ministry of Magic passes Educational Decree #23, appointing Umbridge High Inquisitor. “Oh great this thing is  _still_ happening?” Lance grumbled as he violently turned the pages of the newspaper. He was sitting at the Hufflepuff table at the Great Hall, the team learned early on that the Hufflepuffs were the least judgemental about the whole sitting arrangement thing.

“Well the only things we’re changing only affects the grand scheme not trivial matters like Umbridge.” Hunk pointed out as he grabbed some toast. 

“Umbridge is  _not_ a trivial matter.” Pidge snapped, pointing her chicken drumstick at Hunk’s nose. “She is a menace and the world would be a better place with her dead.” 

Lance stared at his schedule, “What classes is the toad inspecting today?” 

“Charms and Divination.” Keith and Pidge said at the same time. 

“Woah you guys are so in synch,” Hunk said in awe, “Is this an Arms thing?” 

Keith shrugged. In actuality, he and Pidge shared many of the same classes, and he’d often be reminded of every little detail about Umbridge and what she’d do. Pidge hated her so much it almost came full circle into love. A disgusting hateful love, a love to see her tortured.

“Well, I have Divination in the afternoon so that'll be interesting.” Lance hummed.

\-----

The next morning, Pidge, Hunk and Keith received some strange news. They jumped up from their seats, completely ignoring the remains of their food and raced to the Hospital Wing. “WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?!” She screamed as she burst into the room. 

Madam Pomfrey glared and shushed her. “Mr Garcia is over there but please refrain from shouting.” she directed her. 

Pidge barely listened as she and Hunk flew to Lance’s bedside. He was already sitting up and on his bedside was Harry Potter.

“Heeeey Hunk… heeey Pidge, hey Keef.” He greeted them sheepishly.

“What the fuck happened?!” Keith demanded.

“Well, I kinda sorta got detention with Umbridge for questioning her qualifications as the High Inquisitor and as it turns out this Lance’s body has a really low pain tolerance who knew?” He laughed weakly.

“That  _BITCH.”_ Pidge growled lowly before storming out. The air around her seemed to grow heavier with the murderous intent she was radiating.

“Um, aren't you gonna stop her?” Harry asked, a little concerned.

“Nope.” Hunk replied, watching her as she stomped out but his attention snapped back to Harry as he said, “But if there’s a body to hide later can we trust you to keep your mouth shut?”

Harry gulped, “Uh sure.”

“What are you doing here anyway?” Hunk asked him.

“Oh, we were having detention together.” Lance replied.

“And I carried him all the way here when he collapsed.” Harry added.

Keith whacked him on the head, scolding him for being so careless. Lance rubbed the sore spot and laughed sheepishly.

“How did Umbridge react?” Hunk asked. 

“Oh, I have no idea how she acted when I collapsed but when I came to she may or may not have passively aggressively threatened us so that we wouldn't tell anyone.” Harry coughed loudly and kicked Lance’s bed. 

Hunk gave Harry a flat look. To hell with his stupid pride and his ‘battle of wills’ with Umbridge. His friend collapsed from pain and the professor saw fit to  _threaten_ him? But that was none of his business if Harry wanted to do this stupid shit so he turned his attention back to Lance. 

“Are you sure you're okay?” Hunk asked him. 

“I'm fine! Madam Pomfrey already patched me up see!” Lance waved his perfectly healed hand under Hunk’s nose. “She just won't let me leave yet!” 

“Yeah,” Hunk moved his hand away, “I don't really care. You should rest.”

“Fine,” Lance grumbled and flopped into the bed.

\-----

Word spread quickly that Harry hauled Lance to the Hospital Wing in the middle of Umbridge’s detention.

The misinformation and rumours got wilder and wilder, even as Lance was shown to be perfectly okay. 

“I heard that he was slashed up so badly he bled over the floor.” A Ravenclaw first year whispered to her companions. 

“I heard that Umbridge used the Cruciatus curse on him and Harry Potter hexed her to get her off him.” Her Gryffindor friend said. 

Hermione rolled her eyes at the gossiping children and quickly grabbed her book before moving on. Obviously Umbridge used the Black Quills again and Lance fainted because of them, whether it be because of blood loss or pain, it didn't matter. A student was sent to the Hospital Wing because of her and she would not stand for it. 

Hermione yelped as a head popped through the gaps of the books. “Penny for your thoughts?” Pidge asked.

“Oh, it's you.” Hermione sighed. Pidge was, well she wouldn't say friend, she was an acquaintance. She was friendly enough and didn't actively antagonise her or her friends so she was all right in her books.

“Hey there, so what's got you so deep in thought?” Pidge asked.

“I was thinking about Lance and that detention.” She replied honestly, Lance was one of Pidge’s best friends so perhaps she would know something more.

“Oh. That.” her expression seemed to harden. “What about it?”

“I know what Umbridge is using on the students during her detentions and she needs to be stopped.”

“ _Way_ ahead of you.” Pidge said and produced several photos of the bleeding hands of Umbridge’s victims. The students in the pictures cradled their hands to their chest and some had fresh tears in their eyes, it was awful.

“Pidge these are-” Hermione began, feeling a fist squeeze her heart and a pit fall into her stomach.

“Disgusting? Foul? Yes, I know.” Pidge growled, pocketing the pictures and withdrew from the bookshelf she had wedged herself into. She walked to the other side of it to speak with Hermione face to face. “This is why I’m going to send it to the Daily Prophet.”

“The Daily Prophet is under the Ministry’s control they’ll never publish an article about it.” Hermione said, “They’re still making articles about Harry being a pathological liar and an attention seeking brat.”

“Maybe, but with all these first years gossiping they’re bound to write to their parents about this. And then, angry parents will be knocking down Fudge’s door asking why his precious  _High Inquisitor_ is sending students to the Hospital Wing and I will have evidence.”

“Oh,” Hermione said. “Yes that would be true but Fudge could always just ignore it until it all blew over.”

“Not unless we got the students that got sent to her detentions to speak up.” Pidge said fiercely,“Some of them has either this prideful mentality that their detentions with her was a battle of wills and if they spoke up about it they’d lose. Or they just don't talk about it out of fear.”

“And how are you going to do that?” Hermione asked.

“I'm not, but you could help me,” Pidge said, pulling out a roll of parchment from her robes. “This is a list of all the students that ever got sent for detention by Umbridge. You can try talking to them.”

“But-” Hermione protested, her social skills weren't exactly polished so to speak. 

“Or you could approach their friends. Any good friend would get them to say something. Heck, you could even ask your friends to help. You’ll do fine, I trust you.” She handed the parchment to her.

“Then what are you going to do?” Hermione asked.

“Me? I'm going to Dumbledore with these.” Pidge waved the victims’ pictures as she walked off.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Loop 934 HP (8)

Roland was not having a good day.

“I'm sorry but you would need to have an appointment but even then you cannot simply just ask to see the Minister! That's ridiculous!” he flailed his arms in exasperation.

“I  _demand_ to see Mr Fudge immediately,” a very stubborn woman said, obviously not listening to him. Her plump cheeks were red with anger and her blue eyes blazed with cold fury. She was one of the many many  _many_ angry and irrational parents crowding around the front desk.

When Roland decided that he wanted to work at the Ministry of Magic, this was not what he was expected. Being at the front desk of the Ministry was hard work, not only did he have to direct people to the places they needed to go but he also had to handle lunatics like these. They usually only popped up on occasion but it seemed like they were crawling out of the woodwork today.

“Ma'am, if you would please calm down-” he tried to appeal but the woman was not having it.

“ _Calm down?!”_ she screeched, “ HOW CAN I POSSIBLY CALM DOWN WHEN MY SON IS BEING  _TORTURED_ BY THIS WOMAN AT HOGWARTS?!”

The women and men crowding the counter raised a chorus of agreement and renewed their shouting of demands.

Oh yes, those rumours. In all honesty they were quite preposterous and honestly, laughable. He’s met Madam Umbridge before and she was quite a delightful woman, she would never do something as horrible as use medieval torture on children!

Roland was not sure how much longer he could handle these people before hexes started flying. He coughed nervously, “Ma’am you must be mistaken-”

Another woman, this time a thin sickly looking lady, slammed down a photograph and a letter, with more strength than her appearance let on, onto the counter. She spoke with a crisp clear voice, “This is my evidence. Look at it.”

Roland tentatively picked up the photograph. It was a picture of a little girl. She was wearing Gryffindor robes and from her high cheekbones, dark hair and her narrow lips it was obvious that this was that lady’s daughter. The girl was clutching her hand to her chest, her tiny body shook with each sob. Then, she composed herself slightly and held her hand up so that he could see it clearly.

The words ‘I must respect authority’ was cut into her flesh.

Roland felt a little sick. “Oh,” he mumbled. Magic photos could not be faked so easily. It required insane amounts of magic and even then the results would be still and unnatural. If this was faked then the girl would move robotically or her crying would look forced.

“I demand some answers.” The skinny woman said firmly.

Roland struggled to find something to say, “Of course. I will notify the proper authorities and they will get back to you in a few days time.”

That was the wrong thing to say. People started shouting over each other, nothing could be heard over the din. Roland was out of his depth.

“I want to go home,” he moaned.

\-----

Parents of the students rarely ever came to visit Hogwarts. There were no Parent-Teachers day meetings, no bake sales, no PTAs. Nothing. They just packed up their children and shipped them off, not seeing them except for the holidays.

They don't even come when their kids are sent to the Hospital Wing. Then again, with the school’s track record of students injured per day, it's no wonder being hospitalised isn't such a big deal anymore. Heck, they didn't even come down when students were being Petrified left and right!

And even when they  _do_ come it's usually restricted to the end of the year when exams were nearly over. In fact, the only parents to come into Hogwarts in recent memory was Lucius Malfoy and the Weasley parents not including the Triwizard Tournament.

Speaking of the Weasley parents, Molly Weasley was amongst the hundreds of adults roaming the castle.

Ginny was on her way to the Great Hall when someone screamed her name at the top of their lungs.

“GINNY!”

She whipped her head about and suddenly she had an arm full of red-headed motherliness and eternal rage.

“M-mum?” she gasped, “what are you doing here?”

“Why ever would I not be sweetheart?” she cooed, stroking her cheek before grabbing her hand, checking the back of it intently, “oh thank goodness you're alright.”

“I don't understand. What's going on?” Ginny asked.

“What do you mean  _what's going on?_ That Umbridge lady has been tutoring students! And she's been teaching you!” Mrs Weasley said, “if she'd laid a hand on you I swear I’ll wring her neck.”

“Oh! Her! I'm not being taught by her, I'm under Professor Shirogane! I've never been to Umbridge's detentions don't worry,” she reassured her mother.

“How could I possibly not worry dear?” Mrs Weasley pinched her cheeks.

Just as Ginny was about to push her mother away Fred's (or was it George?) voice rang through the corridor, "Mum is that you?!" 

"Fred! George!" Mrs Weasely greeted, walking up to them with open arms, giving them a big bear hug, "have you two been behaving?"

"Yeah yeah mum," Fred rolled his eyes.

"Of course we are," George lied.

Mrs Weasley grabbed their hand and immediately her gaze hardened.

"I'm going to kill that bitch," she hissed. Her children gasped in surprise, their mother never cursed. Ever. 

"Not if I get to her first!" another mother yelled, her arms around the shoulders of a tiny first year.

"NO! I WILL!" a father yelled.

"NOT UNLESS I GET MY HANDS ON HER!" another person screamed.

\-----

Sitting inside Dumbledore's office, Shiro was getting ready to carefully craft a believable story about how he knows about the Order of Pheonix so he would be permitted to join. This was an impossibly delicate situation because he fails, he and the team would probably have to break into Grimmauld Place by force, which was too much of a hassle. Oh, and Dumbledore might fire him. Or kill him. Yeah...

"I'm from an alternate universe where this where this whole world is just a series of books."

Nailed it.

Dumbledore blinked from behind his half-moon glasses. "Is that so?"

"Yes, and I would like to help you by joining the Order of Pheonix," Shiro said.

Dumbledore nodded his head like everything Shiro said was totally logical and made sense.

"And how do you think the Order would benefit with you added to its ranks?" he asked.

Shiro groaned internally, he hated interviews. And wasn't the Order short staffed right now? Could they really afford to be picky with their members?

"As you already know, I am well versed with the Dark Arts and the defences against them. Not only that, I am also experienced in Japanese magic, which many of the mainly European based magics of the Death Eaters are not familiar with," he said professionally.

"Indeed, that is true," Dumbledore said, "and if could, please explain to me how you managed to arrive into our universe?"

Shiro sighed heavily and looked out of the window like the memory pained him deeply, "It's a long story," he said.

"We have all day," Dumbledore replied patiently.

Their discussion was interrupted by Professor McGonagall slamming the door open, clutching her chest and panting before composing herself and calmly stating, "You might want to see this."

Outside there were legions of witches and wizards swarming outside holding torches and pitchforks screaming, "BURN THE BITCH!". There were even some on brooms circling the skies like vultures and it looked like the mob was growing by the second.

"BURN HER!!" someone screamed at the top of their lungs, sparking a chorus of roars in agreement.

Dumbledore's jaw dropped as he stared at the spectacle. Shiro knew Pidge has something planned but a fucking lynch mob was not what he expected.

"Are you going do something about this?" Shiro asked him.

Dumbledore was silent for a moment before saying, "I believe that it is wise for this hullabaloo to wear itself out. Nothing to fear."

"Is that so?" Shiro said mildly as he pulled a pack of candy from his robes.

"I believe it is," McGonagall agreed, nodding her head as she waved her wand and apparated a cup of tea into her hands.

Dumbledore nodded sagely with his mouth stuffed full of lemon drops.

\-----

"PIDGE DID YOU PLAN THIS?!" Lance screamed as yet another witch ran past, waving a torch like a maniac.

"Of course not," Pidge huffed before brightening, "this is  _way_  better than ANYTHING I could ever conceive!"

A victorious roar echoed through the castle as a surge of energy rippled through the rioting witches and wizards. "Looks like they found Umbridge," Pidge said.

_"BUUUURN HER!!! BUUURN THE BITCH!!"_

_"_ Are you gonna do anything?" Lance asked.

Pidge gave him a flat look.

Lance nodded his head with a 'fair enough' expression, "Yeah thought so."

Not only were there parents rioting throughout the castle, and building a giant pyre in front of the lake, but there were also many many many students joining the fray, screaming for blood.

A student with his hair on fire ran past them.

"Hey was that Keith?" Lance asked.

"Yep."

A pause.

Lance sighed heavily, "I'll go make sure the mullet doesn't kill himself early."

"Yeah you go do that," Pidge said, "I'm gonna go watch Umbridge get burned at the stake."


	8. Chapter 8

Loop 934 HP (9)

Before the riot Hunk approached Harry. He wasn't really sure what to think of it. Hunk as he was quieter than the rest of his insane friends. But he was always polite and kind so he was good in Harry's book.

“Professor Shirogane asked me to help you learn Occlumency.” Hunk said.

“What's that?” he asked.

“Occlumency is the act of magically closing one's mind against Legilimency. It is ancient, and has existed since medieval times. It can prevent a Legilimens from accessing one's thoughts and feelings, or influencing them,” Hermione recited.

Ron and Harry still looked confused, “What?”

“It's method to stop other wizards from reading your mind,” she said flatly.

“Oooh!”

“Why would Professor Shirogane want you to help Harry learn that?” Ron asked.

Hunk flailed about a bit, “Um, he fears that Harry might be developing a mental kink with Voldemort through his scar.”

Ron flinched at the mention of the Dark Lord’s name. “That sounds ridiculous,” he said.

“It's not,” Hunk said hotly, “your scar hurts whenever the Dark Lord is near right?

Harry rubbed his forehead, “Yeah?”

“And you never wondered  _why_ that happens?”

Harry hesitated, “No not really,” he said at last.

Hunk smiled. “Why don't you guys come to Professor Shirogane’s office tonight at 5? We’ll explain everything to you then because Dumbledore is an information withholding asshat.”

Can't argue with that, however, “I have detention with Umbridge tonight,” Harry said, feeling a stab of irritation.

“Skip it,” Hunk said.

“And how do you know all of this?” Hermione cut in.

“Yeah! How do you know even more than Dumbledore?” Ron added.

Hunk stared into their eyes. “Magic.”

This was, of course, before the riot broke out at Hogwarts. Now it really didn't matter if Harry went for detention or not seeing that Umbridge was about to be burnt at stake witch hunt style.

He would have wanted to say he felt some concern about her, seeing as she was about to be burned alive, but he'd be lying. So he said nothing.

Out in the field was a giant pyre with a tiny pink splotch tied up on the top, a morbid Christmas tree of different assortments of wood and, was that gasoline? Huh, it looked like a muggleborn had summoned a gasoline truck and was hosing the entire pyre with it.

The crowd of wizards and students cheered and chanted around the oversized campfire and roared even louder when someone snapped Umbridge’s wand.

“Shouldn't we do something about this?” Hermione gasped.

Harry gave it a genuine thought for all of five seconds.

“Nah.” He and Ron said at the same time which Hermione smacked them with her book for.

“As horrible as she is, she shouldn't have to be burned at stake here!” She said.

“Yes yes of course.” Harry nodded his head placatingly.

“You boys are just evil. You know that right?”

“Duly noted.” Ron nodded his head as someone came running down from the castle with a flaming stick chariot of fire style.


	9. Chapter 9

Loop 934 HP (10)

Hunk and Lance were staring out the window of the infirmary at the burning pyre. Keith was admitted to the infirmary for setting fire to his hair and was currently pouting in a bed as a potion worked to regrow his hair.

“Do you think we should save her?” Hunk absentmindedly mused.

“I don't mind but Pidge would probably try to murder you if you tried,” Keith said.

“True.” Lance said, “So we're just gonna let this public execution happen or?”

Keith hummed in thought. “Maybe not all the way, just half way. We can drag her out when she's disfigured beyond repair.”

“Good idea.” Lance agreed.

“By the way, has anyone seen Shiro?” Hunk piped up.

\-----

“-and that is proof that I am from another dimension,” Shiro concluded.

Behind him was a very large, very tall blackboard which he had transfigured using Dumbledore’s desk. On the blackboard was very complex mathematical diagrams explaining the quantum physics of alternate universes and other scientific mumbo jumbo that Shiro managed to unconsciously pick up while he fought with himself to not strangle Slav.

With chiffon.

Black chiffon for maximum black aesthetic.

Preferably ones with the Black Lion on it, that would be cute.


	10. Chapter 10

Loop 934 HP (11)

"You know, don't you find it incredibly boring that whenever we dump exposition we're always sitting around talking," Hunk asked mildly, still watching the literal Salem witch burning outside the window. Keith wanted to go sit by the window and watch too but was forced back into bed by an irate Madam Pomfrey so now he was sulking underneath the covers, his hair growing longer and longer by the minute.

"Well, what do you want us to do? Plan while doing vigorous exercise?" Lance snarked as he took a video of the historical moment of Umbridge burning at stake with his new smartphone. 

"I don't know, something more visually interesting I suppose?" Hunk shrugged.

"Hunk this is a written fanfiction, no one gives a flying fuck about visuals." Lance snorted.

"Yeah true but it'll be hell to adapt to animation or a comic," he said and then smacking him on the head, "Also, stop breaking the wall!"

Lance rubbed his head and obediently went back to taking his video. A tiny figure darting across the field caught his eye. "Hey, is that Pidge?!" He gasped and zoomed in with his phone. "Hey hey, Pidge is there!"

Hunk narrowed his eyes, "What's she doing down there?"

From what they could see, Pidge was jumping like a jellybean and darting around the rioting mob, catching their attention and waving her arms like a lunatic. She handed them something, before darting to the next group. The thing was, once she had told one group, the people she told also helped to spread whatever she told them, and soon the hundreds of people gathered at the field was in on whatever scheme she had up her sleeves.

Soon, there was a perfect circle formed around the pyre, the people's arms looped together as they swayed in unison, and with their combined voice, the trio in the infirmary heard what they were singing.

_"Lets gather around the campfire  
And sing our campfire song"_

_"Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E  S-O-N-G song"_

Lance stared in absolute astonishment and Hunk desperately suppressed his sniggers. "Holy shit."

And one by one the people stuck marshmallows onto sticks, some even stuck them onto their wands, and roasted it with the burning flames of the pyre backed up by Umbridge screaming.

"Hey guys,"

The two snapped out of their stupor and turned their attention to Keith.

Whose hair overgrew and was steadily taking over the entire infirmary.

"A little help?"


	11. Chapter 11

Loop 934 HP (12)

It wasn't long before the Ministry showed up, demanding the return of Umbridge and attempted to arrest the parents for 'assaulting a Ministry official'. This was, of course, met with resistance. Violent resistance.

Some aurors tried to get Umbridge down from the burning pyre but was stopped by a troop of parents. Taken aback that civilian witches and wizards were attacking them, the aurors were forced to retreat and regroup. "She must pay for what she's done!" One of them bellowed at their quickly retreating backs.

Cheers erupted as the Ministry fled the field and a few people set off fireworks with their wands.

"Hey, Pidge!" Hermione ran up to her, her hair wilder than ever and her faced flushed a little pink. "Don't you think we should take Umbridge down before there are any um... permanent damage?"

A hush fell over the crowd around them.

"And why should we do that?" Pidge said slowly.

Hermione's eyes darted around at the carefully blank faces of the people around them. "Well, you see," She carefully chose her words, "Since the Ministry wants her, keeping her alive would give us a bargaining chip with them."

"That is true." Pidge rubbed her chin. "Alright."

She nodded her head and turned to address the crowd, pointing her wand to her throat to project her voice. "We will be having a vote! Everyone still have their campfire song sheet?"

A chorus of murmured ‘yes’s and ‘yeah’s.

Pidge tapped her own sheet with her wand the lyrics to the song turned into two bullet points. Everyone else’s parchment reflected the change. The difference between Pidge’s and the rest was that there was a tiny counter on the right-hand corner of her’s.

  * Let Umbridge burn
  * Keep her alive as a bargaining chip to make demands from the Ministry



“Now, vote for an option by circling it and we shall proceed with the majority vote, in the meantime, Umbridge will be taken off the pyre.”

Hermione deflated slightly in relief. “Thank you Pidge.”

“Don’t thank me just yet,”

In the end, the second option won by a small margin and Umbridge was permanently off the pyre and held inside a makeshift cage someone transmuted from multiple coats. Her hands tied and her wand snapped to make sure she couldn’t escape.

Pidge quickly became the tactician and rebels, dubbed BURN, with Hermione as her right hand. Tents and barricades were set up around the field and Hogwarts itself as the battle raged on against the Ministry.

Dumbledore announced that he and the staff of Hogwarts remained neutral in this feud. Madam Pomfrey and the infirmary tended to the injured from both sides and fighting was absolutely forbidden within Hogwarts’ castle walls. Outside, everything was free game.

An agreement of sorts was made within BURN, there would be no Unforgivable Curses, only attacking to main not kill, and that the fighting would cease once their demands were met.

Pidge had sent their ‘rules’ and BURN’s demands to the Ministry through Dumbledore as he was a neutral party.

Their demands were simple, “Umbridge must lose both her post at the Ministry and Hogwarts, all rules set up by Umbridge must be abolished, all victims of Umbridge must be compensated, do not arrest anyone involved.”

“This is ridiculous!” Fudge exclaimed, slapping the parchment onto the table. Though the main fighting force was at Hogwarts, the Minister was still receiving reports while seated in his office.

Accompanying Dumbledore was Shiro who was decidedly silent throughout the exchange.

“This is what they demand,” Dumbledore said serenely.

“This is your doing isn't it!” Fudge accused, pointing at Dumbledore “You plan to usurp me and take the position of Minister for your own!”

“I have said this before and I will say it as many times as I have to.” Dumbledore sighed, “I have no interest in becoming Minister of Magic.”

“That’s what you want me to think!” Fudge snapped. “Arrest him!” he ordered the aurors lining the office irrationally.

No one made any move. If someone attacked Dumbledore, Shiro would surely step in and because Shiro is a foreign wizard, arresting or harming him in any way might cause an international incident. Wizarding Japan was protective of their citizens like that, so the aurors wisely left Fudge’s orders unheeded.

“If that is all,” Dumbledore stood up, “I bid you a good day Minister, let’s go Shirogane.”

Shiro nodded following him out but paused at the door. “Oh, I almost forgot.” He said, finally speaking, he pulled out an envelope from his robes and passed it to the nearest auror, “You might want to take a look at these.”

And with that, he swept out of the room.

Dumbledore chose not to comment on it until they portkeyed back to Hogsmeade.

“And what was inside that envelope you gave to our dear Minister?” he asked.

“Nothing much, just the pictures of the hands of the students that have passed through Umbridge’s office,” Shiro replied nonchalantly.

“Is that so.” Dumbledore nodded sagely and didn’t comment any further. 


	12. Chapter 12

Loop 934 HP (13)

After the whole debacle, Umbridge was fired no questions asked. The team was all sitting around in Shiro’s room again, snacks and glitter were strewn about in their own private celebration.

“Well, that went over  _really_ well.” Hunk said.

“I’m just glad she’s gone.” Keith sighed.

“Fuckin yeah,” Pidge said gleefully, tearing down all the Umbridge pins and post-it notes on their conspiracy board. “Now we can concentrate on killing all the Horcruxes.”

The door slammed open as Lance pranced in, “Are we sitting around dumping exposition again?” he asked and flung his book bag onto the table.

“Yeah pretty much.” Hunk said.

Shiro came in not long and gently closed the door behind him. “Legs off the table.” He said without even looking at them as he dug into his drawer and threw a bottle of fire whiskey in their general direction.

With masterful reflexes, Keith caught it just before it smashed into a wall. “Ooh, Maroon Phoenix, 1875, fancy stuff.” He read the label.

“Yeah, apparently it was given to this universe’s Shiro as a present from his parents congratulating him on getting a job, whatever that means.”

“...right.” Keith summoned five cups with a wave of his wand and distributed the whiskey evenly.

“Anyway, I have some exposition to dump onto you,” Shiro announced. “Dumbledore has accepted me into the Order of Phoenix.”

“That’s great!” Pidge perked up. “Now we access to the locket.”

“Now we have to figure out how the four of us are gonna get in.” Lance sighed.

“Eeeh no, I can handle it,” Shiro said. “I can get the locket and you guys can destroy it. We don't need all five of us in there.”

“Aaaw but that was the fun part,” Pidge whined.

“If you wanted fun you could have let Umbridge stay and let Harry for the DA so you can join it and then follow him into the department of mysteries.” Shiro pointed out.

“But I wanted to get rid of her ASAP,” Pidge growled.

“We know we know.” Hunk patted her.


End file.
